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Finally!

It's snowing!! :)

And in true Minnesota style, the weather is now -12.1 degrees celsius. And we are on a wind advisory till 6am.

And now... back to my paper.

Ready for home (or stream of consciousness or the rare introspection)

I'm ready to come home. I'm ready for chicken rice. I'm ready for no more cooking. I'm ready for no more classes and finals and studying. I'm ready to take a break from life here. For a while at least.

It's so strange though. That my life is part here part there. It's almost like I can escape one part for a bit and then come back to it later. It's weird. It's not real. But it is.

I miss my friends from home. I wonder how everyone is doing? I wonder how much of relationships is based on proximity. Out of sight, out of mind? Or does absence really make your heart grow fonder? What makes people click no matter how far apart they are? What happens when my friends graduate from Carleton? How much will I have to show for the time and energy I have invested into relationships here in the US? Or in Penang? Nothing lasts. Right? But then isn't the impact we make on other people one of two things that last? That you can take with you?

How many people have I impacted? Is it just a prideful "how many people can Josh impact" contest with myself? Or is it really motivated by a desire to show God's love? To the extent that you don't control people is the extent of how much they will be able to love you. I guess that's a paraphrase. Love and control are inversely correlated. The paradox of a Christian life. The paradox of God.

I am writing a song called Paradoxical God. People think it's a weird word to sing. I think it's cool. And true. Beauty for ashes. Joy for pain. We lose our life to gain it.

What satisfies me? Is it only God? That's what I claim. But is it true? Do people fulfill me? Do achievements become my obsession?

I miss home. I do. But then I don't at the same time. Because things in Penang seem foreign at times. But then again, they don't. Wow. Talk about confusion. Aren't I pass that stage? That's like SOOO teenage. :D haha.

I'm leading songs I don't know tomorrow at Rejoice. I miss FGAC. Not that I don't like Rejoice. But it's so different. I want to be challenged. I want to hear new revelation. I want to be excited about receiving the word of God. But is my focus wrong? Should I not be "I want"ing? Where is the line between going to church to receive and going to church to serve? How do you know you are not dependent on one more than the other? And if you don't go to church to receive, then WHERE do you receive? It's different than devotional times. It's different, believe me.

People. All these people I'm meeting and connecting with. Why? What? What to expect? What do I expect? How much of this lasts? How much of it counts in the big picture? In eternity?

Wow.

Good Food, Good Fun and a new song

Good food

Who says you can't eat well at college? Herewith I enclose evidence to the contrary. Evidence A: Steak dinner with Sammy boy. Look at the sheer ecstasy on his face. And yes, Josh did cook this meal! Ok not so much stick it into the foreman than literally cook it, but still... :)

Evidence B: FISH House invited me for dinner. Ok so it wasn't so much as I was invited than I got asked because I'm dating the house manager right? :) But Jason and Sarah made a fabuloso Mexican meal. I don't normally do Mexican. But this was muchos yummos.

Evidence C: Chinese food. Ok American Chinese food. Ok... American Chinese.. grub. :) From Mandarin Garden. BUT it was...

...Good Fun

This was good fun too. Going up to the cities for a Night of Desperation with the Desperation Band (more to follow below). But then going to Caf� Latte with friends, and having a blast!

It was fun. Eric agrees.

Sam and Christine were too engrossed with themselves... lol

And Erica and I were trying to guess the number of grains of salt and pepper in the shakers.

No we're not!

And of course good fun with Exit. Yes we are always this animated.

Er. Yeah.  

A new song

First of all, I mentioned that a bunch of us went up to the Desperation Band thing in the cities. Man, it was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. It was a powerful time of worship and prayer. And God broke my heart for certain issues and certain people. It has been a while (maybe it's never happened before) since I broke down, crying out for salvation for certain people. And then we had the opportunity to sign the "Desperation Vow". And this new song kind of came spilling out as I was playing the guitar in my room... YES, Jason lent me his guitar (he has two!) so now I have an Ovation sitting in my room! What a blessing!! :) But anyway. I have feeling this is going to be the first of many songs to come as a result of that time in God's presence and in choosing to take the vow.

I hope you guys enjoy it.

My Vow (Offering of Worship)
Jesus
What do I have to offer?
Nothing
Could ever repay the price
All I
Have to give in this life
Is all You’ve given to me

I will live a consecrated life
I will give an undivided heart
I will bring a sacrifice of praise to You
Every day I choose to bear my cross
For You sought me out when I was lost
I will bring an offering of worship to You

My life is yours
My will is yours
My heart is yours
I will bring this offering of worship to You

© 2005 Joshua Yeoh

Why Josh can't finish his work on time

Because he does things like this. Oh boy.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	Low
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Low
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

Speaking what is not as if it were

I've been trying to get a different job. Let's just say it's very difficult to be passionate about making boxes for old books. And after having worked in a department that processes NEW books, I just really couldn't stand working with old books anymore. I really hated it.

So I've been looking for a new job. Always coming up with nothing. Nothing but dead ends that is.

So yesterday, I felt a witness to begin THANKING God for coming through for me instead of complaining or trying to open my own doors. The thought "speak what is not as if it were" came to mind. ANd I thought: I don't know... those word of faith things... but then I thought, FAITH. That's what I need. It's not just fancy words or empty words. But it's knowing that God WILL come through. So I started thanking God for coming through for me.

That afternoon my supervisor walks up to me and tells me that the new books people have asked that I work with them until the end of the term! YEAH! No more old books. :)

And who says God doesn't care about the little details in our life?

Bambi? Me?

Bambi


Which DISNEY character are you most like?
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This is so messed up. I am NOT a Bambi! I guess Bobo was right? :) Lol.

Also I got Israel Houghton's latest Cd "Alive in South Africa" today!!! I'm so psyched!!! IT'S AMAZING! I mean... I haven't listened to all of it yet. But it will be amazing!!!! YAH!!! And the coolest part? The CD cover is like 3D!!! :O